Earl Grey Tea

28 November, 2005
2:28 AM

I've finally found it...this yulky tastin thing that has a surprisingly soothin after-taste...something i'd remember. Kinda difficult to digest, but it'll be processed and passed out anyway...sooner or later. Doubt i'd wanna taste it again tho.

Have been extremely disorganised the past few months or so...can't seem to be able to follow through with any plans tt i've set. I feel so underachieved...lousy. Funny how i've always been held back by temptations after temptations, realised it, and yet still allowed myself to yield to them. I'm jus too loose with myself...does it take alot of effort to exercise discipline? If so, I've really gotta start finding back that energy and channeling it else where. If i can do away with the ciggys, i know can do this...i have to!

Some stuff that i really wanna do:
1. Get a coaching certificate
2. Earn and save enough money to fund my trip
3. Keep myself fit and tan
4. Juggle FYP and part-time jobs
...etc

22 November, 2005
3:23 AM

I guess everyone has their limits, and when you're stretched to yours, you should know that its time to say, "Enough."

People have a tendency to try to analyse certain situations because they are curious about the truth. Some can even come up with plenty of theories to back their analysis! However, there are times when your minds play tricks you, creating false ideas and making wrong assumptions, instilling mixed feelings...and these can throw you so off course until you can't quite tell what's real and what's not anymore. If you do get there, you'll feel real lost and scared. But anyway, if you've already exhausted all your patience in tryin to choose which truth to believe, and yet still can't be convinced of any, you start to feel mentally drained and frustrated, and it'll come to a point whereby you don't really wanna know anymore. I feel that's when you've reached a limit.

"The truth is always a compound of two half-truths, and you never reach it because there is always something more to say." - Tom Stoppard

I give up.

20 November, 2005
1:04 PM

If you're unsure about something, try to analysis and judge the situation for yourself.
If you're not confident in your own answers, ask.
If you dare not ask, jus wait patiently till you're enlightened.
If you can't wait that long, jus decide on a course of action and follow through with it.
If you can't decide, jus run away and pretend the situation did not exist.
If you can run but cannot hide...wat else can you do?

"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?" - Scott Adam

My brains are fallin apart again...due to lack of sleep hopefully.

17 November, 2005
3:31 AM

There's this friend of mine whose company I particularly enjoy. I can do so many things for her and not have a single complaint...it's jus a different kind of feelin i get when i'm with her.

Tuesday was my 2nd last paper (biomaterials), and since the next and last paper's on the 24th, I decided to relax...not that I was even stressed up to begin with actually.

Met her and her partner str8 after my paper to do some shoppin, had dinner at their place, watched tv before sending her partner to work, accompanied her at mj till the next morning (wed)...helped her with some carpentry work while I was there, had breakfast with her and her partner, slept over after her partner left for work, woke up in the afternoon to eat and watch tv, slept again till evening, watched more tv, dinner outside, and finally home (1130pm).

In the midst of all these, I did not even have the courtesy to inform my family bout wat I was doing. My mom did not bother me (surprisingly) until wed evening...kinda shows that she was giving me the space that I wanted...and it really did hurt when I learnt that she was sooo worried that something may have happened to me when she couldn't contact me for awhile. I felt so irresponsible and lousy.

I also feel the same way sometimes towards my best friend, bird. In fact, she's a family member to me...esp cos she and my mom have so much in common. I think I may have started to take my family members for granted. Guess its a vicious cycle...when i'm aware of it, i'm more in tune with reality...when i'm unaware of it, i kinda lose control. Till here, it almost feels like my friend is the symbol of the devil! But anyhow, i guess there are reasons for me to feel differently towards her...

I've known her (as a more than hi-bye friend) for a little more than a year. Inspite of wat i've heard about her, I jus can't seem to doubt her as I truly believe that she's a very genuine and nice person on the inside. I've learnt abit about her past, seen the ugly side of her, and saw her change for the better. All it takes to see her real self is to trust her. I did that, and I know I managed to see the side of her that many others failed to. I believe I've also gained her trust in return, and it's helped our friendship to another level. And during this period, I've grown more attached to her...hence the extra attention.

Once again, I forgot if I was tryin to make a point in the first place. But I do hope that when I'm outta control, someone can be there to wake me up...and that my family, esp bird, can understand the occasional cock-ups in my priorities and decisions. I'm sorry...

07 November, 2005
10:43 AM

Was out with bird yesterday, and she was helpin me decide on whether to get the new Paco Rabanne perfume ($$$) or deodorant ($). Thought bout it the whole day, and i've finally decided...get the deodorant first, then get the perfume when i've got more money...haha! Thanks dude! =)

Friends invited me over for dinner again, and i dragged bird along. Dishes: 1) delicious black pepper beef; 2) very spicy kang kong; 3) cabbage; 4) eggs fried with onions; 5) tom YUM soup; 6) rice. Serves 5 females. Supper was chin chow and watermelon...and eating both together actually tastes quite good! It was a funny scene because in the house, two seperate groups of people were present: guys, and us gals...all queer. The guys were watching wei xiao bao in the living room while havin their dinner, and us gals were eatin at the dining table. How both groups are related? My friend's gf and 2 of the guys are housemates.

To me, it was a pretty nice and heartwarming meal with friends...almost like family. And as a form of gratitude, i left a scratch mark on my friend's collarbone...oops! =p

Seems like my yesterdays are always quite good... but i'm a little worried bout tomorrow - 2nd paper, polymer technology...signing out.

05 November, 2005
1:51 PM

Yesterday was great!

My first paper commenced at 2.30pm...struggled the whole 2 and 1/2 hours to finish 3 outta 4 questions. Well, seriously, that was all i asked of myself...could answer some, gave some b.s. for the rest etc. And at the end of the it all, when i could hear everyone discussin with their friends about how the paper was, i could say i was kinda relieved. I swear i will not earn a passin grade for this paper, and from the looks of it...probably not many people would get an A grade either. Meaning, there's a chance of MODERATION! Haha...my favourite word for now, and my only hope of passin. (still crossin my fingers tho...cui)

Training str8 after paper...and from BL interchange, i managed to find a DIRECT bus to my training ground. Normally, the journey would take bout 1 hr max, but hell this bus brought me to every part in the west of singapore before finally gettin me to my destination! almost 2 hrs without a jam! Late for training a missed my fitness test. Lesson learnt: when you think you've found a short cut, you should spare a little more time to re-affirm it.

Post-training / going-home was splendid. Can't elaborate much on that tho...

11pm: left for Newasia Bar to celebrate a friend's birthday. It was a gorgeous place...str8, tt is. The view from the VIP area was breath-takin...half of singapore with lights (because the other half was not within view)! Well, as usual, the birthday gals are always forced to drink till they drop...poor friend had to do the Merlion. But amidst all that fun and laughter, my attention was on her friend...she's skinny, pale and fragile lookin, eye-bags...almost like a drug addict! She is soft-spoken, gentle, lady-like...resembles a modern motherly figure...not surprisinly so as she REALLY IS one. There's something very captivatin about her...propably how she can appear so fragile but yet be so independent and sure of herself. Yea, she was kinda shy when it came to dancin...but the party scene doesn't quite suit her anyways. We ended playin a game of hand-slappin when things started to get boring...like when the merlion was in action. This game, i can't think of a name for it, but its the one you play in primary or sec sch...tests your reaction... K anyway, i let her start...she hit very gently, and missed the next hit. My turn. I SMACKED hers with all my might and her eyes opened damn wide to stare at me, in shock. I managed to wake her up jus like that...and the whole night she was jus waiting for her chance to get back at me...

up till this pt, i want to slap myself again...wtf ting?!

03 November, 2005
9:34 PM

today is possibly my most productive day so far...started studyin since 11am...and er, completed two chapters - "deformation mechanisms" and "strengthening mechanisms". well, now i'm left with one chapter if i were to hit my target, and its called "creep". so that leaves me with probably 8 chapters untouched for the paper. haha! i really dunno whether to laugh or cry man...

funny how i can stay so focused today (except ofr the accidental dozin offs). probably i HAVE reason to convince myself to do so...that the paper's tomorrow.

12:38 AM

highlights of the day:
1. went airport to pick friends; received quite a number of presents!
2. went lunch with friends and friend's godson and his family
3. swimming and wine with friend's gf
4. friend's gf prepared dinner to celebrate her own birthday with friend and i
5. watched csi with friends

happy day overall...but study...sigh.

01 November, 2005
11:48 AM

someone called from overseas to play me a song performed by a live band there... quite a pleasant surprise, except for the fact that i was woken up from my beautiful sleep. appreciated tho.